Do It With Love or Don't Do It
by Sheryl Karas M.A.
Over the five years that I have done this newsletter I've collected a fat file of random quotes and private musings which I hoped to use for inspiration for full newsletter articles some day. While cleaning out my desk today I found a stack of these and decided to piece them together as sort of a summary of what I have learned over the years of being a consultant for family caregivers. Philosophical as always, my intent is not to impart my final words of wisdom - you'll be hearing from me again through my trove of stockpiled articles - but, in my own way, to coalesce what I got out of this experience.
People always praise me for working in a field they think must be horribly depressing. And, yes, there have been times when I went home wondering why I decided to do this. But more often than not I found myself marveling at the courage and tenacity of the people I met everyday and listening to my clients with bated breath hoping they would tell me how they found the strength to meet challenges I never even imagined a person would have to cope with. And they did. Other times I found myself musing in the middle of the night about what I could say to help a particular person who was suffering despite the fact that I knew people in far worse situations who woke up every morning with a smile on their faces. What did they need to know that I didn't think to say and what did I need to know in order to say it?
Here are some quotes I collected from Mother Teresa, a person who certainly knew a lot about caregiving of all kinds:
"If you can't do it with love and cheerfulness, don't do it at all. Go home!"
"The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it."
"A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love."
And some more quotes by others:
"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming." - Helen Keller
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." - Abraham Lincoln
"There is comfort in the strength of love;
Twill make a thing endurable, which else
Would overset the brain, or break the heart."
--William Wordsworth
I think this is the one thing I have heard the most: love makes you strong. Do your caregiving as a gift of love. . . waking up every morning with your mission clear and your heart open. . . or go home. Now. Before the anger, and grief and loss of your own sweet life kills you.
How do you find your way home when someone requires so much assistance or supervision? Ask for help, use a nursing home, hand the job over to other relatives or simply take a break! Come back to yourself and figure out what you need to replenish your own cup so you can give freely from your overflow.
Caregiving Articles
© Copyright 2007 Sheryl Karas & Paul Hood
A new version of this article can be found in Sheryl’s latest book The Spiritual Journey of Family Caregiving.
Caregiving Articles