Elder Fraud / Elder Abuse
by Sheryl Karas M.A.
On Oct. 27, 2000 the San Jose Mercury News reported on the case of a San Jose mortgage broker charged with embezzling more than $700,000 from his 90-year-old mother. The article indicates that he had taken control of his mother's finances when she became incapable of handling her own affairs and had taken multiple mortgages out on her home and made large withdrawals from her investment accounts for his own benefit. He was eventually forced to sell her home because he could not make the payments.
This is a pretty extreme case but, unfortunately, elder fraud and elder abuse is not uncommon. In fact, the conditions that lead to these abuses are the very substance of what all caregivers have to contend with. What people believe is a reasonable response to a stressful situation can look very different in a court of law. Could you be committing a crime and not even know it?
Elder Fraud
People think: "I'm doing so much for grandma. I'm with her round the clock. I change her diapers. I listen to her complaints all day long. I answer the same questions over and over. Sometimes she doesn't recognize me and screams at me to get out of her house. You don't know what I go through! And meanwhile, I'm not working, I have no income, I can't take care of my own life because I'm taking care of hers. I deserve to be compensated for this! Who's going to take care of me when I'm old? I have to manage grandma's finances because she can't figure it out anymore. When I have her sign checks I arrange to have some of the money go to me. She doesn't know-she doesn't see that well. But it's ok. After all, it's MY money. When she dies, it's going to me anyway - or it ought to be. So what's the big deal?"
Reality: Feelings like those expressed above are perfectly natural -- I hear stories like this every day. However, when a person starts taking compensation from grandma's pocketbook the line has been crossed into elder fraud. No matter how it feels, there is no justification for taking someone else's money for your own purposes in a court of law.
People think: "But if I don't use her money for myself I will have to leave her to get a job and who will take care of her if I'm not there? My mom won't let anyone take care of her but me! And we can't afford to hire someone even if she did."
Reality: This is a hard situation to deal with by yourself. Luckily, you don't have to. Ask for help. If you are dealing with dementia or some other form of brain impairment call Del Mar Caregiver Resource Center. If you are involved in some other form of elder caregiving, call Senior Network Services to find out what services are available. Speak with a family consultant, counselor or social worker who can help you sort out your options and feelings. Even joining a support group can help you figure out ways to get your elder to accept help from social services or other friends and family so you'll be free to create a healthier life for yourself.
Elder Abuse
People think:
"I care about my mother -- that's why I brought her home to live with me when she started to slip. But my own life is starting to fall apart. I just found out my husband is having an affair and my youngest son is failing in school. I'm afraid he might be abusing drugs. I'm at my wit's end and when my mother starts in with her criticisms and complaints I just want to shake her. I have never hit her but sometimes I don't come when she calls for help, and once I gave her an extra dose of pain medication to keep her in bed so I could get a moment's peace."
"I have no choice about being a caregiver and I hate it. My father was abusive to me when I was growing up and he's still a mean-spirited old man. But I can't afford to move out and taking care of him is the price I have to pay. Even though he's in a wheelchair and can't physically hurt me, I feel so angry with him that I just can't tolerate his demands at all. I just let him sit in his dirty Depends all day if he doesn't treat me right."
"I don't have the problems some people I know have with their relatives. If Aunt Mary doesn't do what I want I just threaten to send her to a nursing home and she shuts up."
Reality: None of these people think they are abusing their relative. After all they don't hit them. But under the law, the definition of elder abuse includes neglect, deliberate overmedication, and psychological abuse and threats.
The common thread in all of these examples is the caregiver trying to avoid feeling victimized by the circumstances of caregiving. The fact is: nobody can make you give up your own life against your will. If your own well-being (physical, financial, emotional, etc.) is eroded by caregiving it is time to ask for help. Call a family consultant at the Del Mar Caregiver Resource Center, a social worker at the Human Resource Agency or a case manager at Senior Network Services as a starting place.
Caregiving Articles
© Copyright 2007 Sheryl Karas & Paul Hood
A new version of this article can be found in Sheryl’s latest book The Spiritual Journey of Family Caregiving.
Caregiving Articles