Relax - It's a Holiday!
by Sheryl Karas M.A.
Holmes-Rahe Stressful Events Checklist lists celebrating a holiday as a "stressful life event" - and that's for people who are NOT caregiving. Common sources of this stress for caregivers include:
* Finding the time, energy and material resources to add holiday activities to a caregiver's already full plate
* Expectations of family togetherness and joy that are not realized
* Attempting to create the "perfect" holiday celebration when life is far from perfect
* Exhaustion and caregiver or patient meltdown from having too much extra stimulation
* Feeling isolated and noticing a lack of appropriate support
* Memories of past holiday experiences (positive or negative)
Any one or combination of these can increase a caregiver's level of depression or anxiety. Take it easy on yourself this holiday season. What is a holiday anyway? The Webster's New World Dictionary defines it as a religious festival or holy day; a day of freedom from labor, often set aside by law to celebrate some event. A day of freedom from labor! There's a concept - why not take it literally?
I remember the day my mother declared that she was going to do that. "I'm not cooking this year. It's too exhausting. I want a holiday this year, too!" We were all shocked but dutifully supported her in her newfound freedom by going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. The following year we all decided we missed home-cooking and decided to divide up the task between us. It took six people working several hours each to duplicate what my mother had done by herself each year! It was an eye-opening experience and one that has changed the holiday permanently for us. We have a more communal feast-making experience that provides more of a focus for our family gathering, and my mother not only does only what she wants to do, she no longer feels upset about how quickly people wolf down the food and move on to the football game (it doesn't happen anymore!).
Plan ahead. Talk with other family members about how to simplify the holiday and let go of as many holiday tasks as possible. Don't have family to share the day with? What else does the holiday mean? Peace on earth, goodwill towards men? Hope and Thanksgiving? Focus on the significance of the occasion and create new ways to make the meaning come alive for you this year. Light some candles (or incense), say a prayer, drink a toast, spend time in nature, volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring presents to needy kids. Make a new ritual and find a way to make it yours.
Caregiving Articles
A new version of this article can be found in Sheryl’s latest book The Spiritual Journey of Family Caregiving.
© Copyright 2007 Sheryl Karas & Paul Hood
Caregiving Articles