The Spiritual Rewards of Caregiving
by Sheryl Karas M.A.
In the past several weeks I have had the unusual privilege of working with caregivers who have found great joy and meaning in their caregiving experience. One person told me that he thinks he was brought back from the brink of death himself a few years ago in order to provide the loving support his wife now needs with Alzheimer's Disease. He believes with all his heart that God meant for him to do this work and it gives him great strength, determination and courage.
Another caregiver described to me how it was to care for a deeply beloved parent. She said, "I've become more sensitive to my own mortality and to what matters in the end. Truly loving someone, being aware of beauty and keeping the senses alive helps you appreciate each breath. Some people get that from studying Zen or reading books, I learned it from taking care of my mother."
Another caregiver echoed this very thought the following day. She said that her spiritual practice is to be present to every moment. Her mother, having lost her memory and ability to plan for the future, actually lives that way. It gives her great pleasure to assist her mom in having the most enjoyable present moments that she can.
All of these caregivers were profoundly touched by their caregiving experiences. That doesn't mean, of course, that they never felt tired or resentful or overwhelmed. If that was true I never would have met them. Yet each of them was able to see their caregiving within a meaningful framework that made all the difference.
You can endure the most horrifying situations if you can find a greater meaning. A well-known concentration camp survivor, Victor Frankl, actually wrote several books and developed an entire field of psychotherapy based on the theory that the search for meaning is the primary human motivation. He strongly believed that while we may not be able to change our biological, hereditary and environmental realities, we always have the ability to choose how we will think about our situations and how we wish to respond.
Recent studies point to the importance of recognizing and acknowledging the important role caregivers play in the lives of their loved ones. People who can find greater meaning and reward in their caregiving experiences have fewer health problems and feel less stress. Rewards include feeling like they made a difference in someone's life, renewed appreciation for one's own competence and ability to handle a difficult situation, the gift of being able to truly show the depth of one's love and caring, and increased self-respect. Families that shared caregiving responsiiblities felt closer bonds of kinship, greater tolerance for other people's problems, more empathy for each other's needs, and less fear about the aging and dying process.
At the start of the New Year we traditionally review the previous one and make resolutions for how we want to proceed. This is also a great time to appreciate yourself for the important job you are doing as a caregiver and to renew your commitment for the coming year. Ask yourself these questions:
* What am I proud of as a family caregiver?
* How have I made a difference in my loved one's life?
* What is my deepest motivation as a family caregiver?
* What will help me achieve the ends that I seek?
* And, what will I do this year to support and acknowledge myself for the great job I am doing?
Caregiving Articles
A new version of this article can be found in Sheryl’s latest book The Spiritual Journey of Family Caregiving.
Caregiving Articles
© Copyright 2007 Sheryl Karas & Paul Hood