What’s So Great About Caregiving 1?
by Sheryl Karas M.A.
Last newsletter I asked people to share positive stories of caregiving and received several that I will be sharing over the coming months. If you feel inspired to share your stories with the Newsletter Community please do! Here's a story from Carolyn Pezzoni whose mother recently passed away:
One of the things that carried us both through these troubled times was humor. I have many stories but one of my favorites was when my mom couldn't find the words to answer anymore and full sentences were getting rarer. I would lie down next to her and stay with her as she was going to sleep which was always fearful for her. I was sort of taking inventory of her well being and asked her how she felt. She replied "it hurts." I asked her "what hurts?" When no answer was forthcoming I started at her foot and worked up."How are your feet?" "Fine", she replied (I had just given her a pedicure). "How are your legs?" "ok", she said."How is your belly?" "ok". "How are your lungs?" "ok"." How are your arms?" "ok" "and how is your head?" "fine" and "How are your ears?" "They'll be better when you leave!"
Needless to say this took me completely by surprise and I dissolved in laughter realizing that my incessant questioning was keeping her awake. I took the hint and kissed her good night and kept her company... quietly.
Over the many years we shared we had many belly laughs and I tried to keep the times during her illness positive and uplifting hoping it would ease the difficult times. I know it helped me and I know that my mother was still keeping humor in her heart even if it couldn't come out her mouth. The time I spent caring for my mother was the most difficult in my life and also the most precious. It is hard to see the wonderful moments when one is immersed in the tragedy. In looking back, however, I seem to remember mostly those times and the misery and tragedy is gradually fading.
What’s So Great About Caregiving 2?
Here's another caregiver's response to my request for uplifting caregiving stories and thoughts.
What's so great about caregiving? I can name a few things:
1. Testing. You find out what you are made of. When I look back on the sacrifices I made, the amazing ways I found to cope, the people who helped me, I find a sense of wonder, and pride that I did it. I didn't know what I was capable of. I kept my commitment to my mom to be there for her when she needed me most. She helped me into this life. I helped her out of it. We both know it, and nothing can take that away.
2. Perspective. Caregiving is stressful, and stress isn't always bad. Stress makes me appreciate simpler times and sunny days in a whole new way. Living, or just surviving, a tough patch with a family member increases the bonds of love and loyalty. Nerves and tempers fray, and yet in the end, the love resurfaces, stronger than ever. Those are valuable lessons for me.
3. Prescience. When I watched my mom wave off the physical therapist, or sit quietly in her chair and refuse to participate in senior group activivities, I knew I was looking at a 'maybe future' version of me at age 86. I inherited and learned aloofness from my mom. In some ways this served her. It cost her in others. My reaction is to amend my character now and find enjoyable ways to work, play and belong with others.
4. Motivation. My mom gave up reading. She started to use the TV and radio for companionship. She lost agility, mobility, muscle tone, and finally the ability to walk. All these things may be inevitable, but I find myself working harder than ever to develop habits right now that keep my mind and body engaged in the business of life. I'm in no hurry to lose the use of my body. Being there as she lost hers really lit a fire under me.
--Rob Ryan, DD
Caregiving Articles
A new version of this article can be found in Sheryl’s latest book The Spiritual Journey of Family Caregiving.
Caregiving Articles
© Copyright 2007 Sheryl Karas & Paul Hood